ode to a pigeon

oh, you manic birds,

since you swoop and shit on cars,

i smoke my cig quick.

~Katherine Tornatore

tepid

i am clean.
my eyes, washed free of makeup.
my skin soaks up the lotion.

i am blind.
i take out my eyes, the objects blur.
and i, in the mirror, i am beautiful to myself.

i am sore.
my muscles ache, my arms are weak,
my skin is icy, my heart is sick.

in my head, the highway is desolate.
your love always stays the same.
sunflowers are always in season.

and the chocolate melts on my tongue(quickly).

a tangled mess

in her wrinkled dress

masking signs of loneliness.

a lioness

with a hollowed breast

feelings never to confess.

i cannot stress, she is a mess.

If only

It's much more difficult for me to write and be introspective when I am happy, and not angry, sad or frustrated.

Sweet irony. My plate is full and yet I've got nothing to say...

Our Song

This. This is it. This is our song. Forever. Shall we dance?

Drinking in the morning sun
Blinking in the morning sun
Shaking off the heavy one
Heavy like a loaded gun

What made me behave that way?
Using words I never say
I can only think it must be love
Oh, anyway, it's looking like a beautiful day

Someone tell me how I feel
It's silly wrong but vivid right
Oh, kiss me like the final meal
Yeah, kiss me like we die tonight

Cause holy cow, I love your eyes
And only now I see the light
Yeah, lying with me half-awake
Oh, anyway, it's looking like a beautiful day

When my face is chamois-creased
If you think I'll wink, I did
Laugh politely at repeats
Yeah, kiss me when my lips are thin

Cause holy cow, I love your eyes
And only now I see you like
Yeah, lying with me half-awake
Stumbling over what to say
Well, anyway, it's looking like a beautiful day

So throw those curtains wide!
One day like this a year'd see me right!

Points and Fourthmeals

HEY! It's been awhile...let's just say I fell off the health wagon for about a month or so. This was so because of many underlying issues. Some being:

*One of my bff's at work was full term in her pregnancy, and I (willingly) allowed her to talk me into getting delicious cheeseburgers and smoked turkey sandwiches(on pretzel rolls, with honey mustard sauce).  Sometimes a few times per work week. Whilst gluttonously savoring these dishes, often occompanied by a side of seasoned fries and/or an ice cold root beer, my Lean Cuisine meals sat in the fridge, slowly getting a freezer burn.

*Being healthy is HARD! Being healthy after consuming a (ahem) few cocktails=nearly impossible. And seeing that I am two blocks away from any fast food chain I could possibly crave, it's hard to choose a route that doesn't catch my drunken eye with their evil neon signs. 

Example. Me, on any given Friday night, post bars closing:

"Hey! Hey, Andy, pull over. I want some TACOS. Just two. Jussssst, just two. 'Cause I'm trying to be good. And, two tacos isn't BAD, right? GOD, I'm fat. I'm huge. I don't even care. Make it three tacos. AND a big Dr. Pepper!"

*Exercise=Discipline. I've always had problems following rules and being disciplined. Especially when there is no one there to slap me on the wrist when I am being lazy. I began counting the nights I "danced" at the bars exercise. However, I'm not quite sure that swaying my hips and bobbing my head to the music has ever made me break a sweat. 

Just a few examples, folks. I am on the right track again. Keeping track of how much(or little) I consume has worked well for me. The Weight Watchers point system is  glorious. It helps when there is any item of food, even if it is vegetables, that have zero points. This gives me the option to be gluttonous, even if it is by consuming 3 tomatoes. It's all about options. I have lost three pounds in two weeks. Yay! 117! Now, me being a big fan of instant gratification, I was expecting a monumental loss automatically. When I don't consume bread and/or pasta on a daily basis, I expect my body to immediately begin shedding lb's. Not true. 

But I'm getting there. I am off to go for a (strenuous)walk! 

What does 120 look like?

My teeth are a-shinin'. If I have been drinking anything with stain-ability, it has been through a skinny, white, bendy, plastic object(a straw). And it feels DAMN GOOD. I have been flashin' these pearly whites non-stop. When I told my co-workers about my stained/mildly decaying tooth, they had all sorts of remedies. Whitening strips(yeah, I'm sure what I need is to make my teeth MORE sensitive and LESS enameled). Gum(?). Scrubbing my teeth with hunks of pure baking soda(I'm sorry, I absolutely refuse to try this...even if it worked, it makes me dry heave just thinking about it). What it came down to was just consistency and a tube of Crest with Baking Soda and Peroxide. The taste, I'll admit, is a bit funky, like eating a chocoate covered pretzel for the first time...sweet and savory. But now I'm used to it and actually enjoy the paste in my mouth.


My dietary choices, on the other hand...


Alright, upon my decision to change my lifestyle to a healthier and hopefully happier one, I got sick. ILL. My head was filled with a substance that only the devil should have to deal with...the phlem(sp?)/snot/loog was almost too much for me to deal with. For one thing, I could taste nothing. This is pure agony for a foodie like myself. Also, having had my tonsils removed in 2005, I lack the ability to hack up the repulsive matter that I was constantly coughing up from my (10 days smoke free) lungs. This caused me to choke and often begin to suffocate until my body somehow managed to lodge it out of my throat.

Needless to say, I was miserable. I didn't visit the gym for 6 days. I barely ate for a week. But once I began feeling better(and regained my sense of taste), it was on like Donkey Kong. You better believe I had Lion's Choice, a huge slurpee, and some Tagalong Girl Scout Cookies. AHHHHHHHHHH.

Flash to yesterday, at work, face to face with a scale. I sighed and curiously stepped on. The number that flashed up: 120. Pretty much my average weight since I was 18. Really? No weight loss with the sickness? And the working out?

I will defend my argument(that is quite valid, I might add) that I screamed to a friend of mine, when I was an angsty teenage girl. We had begun swing dancing with each other(circa Zoot Suit Riot), and after picking me up for the first time, he exclaimed, "Whoa, Katie! You're a lot heavier than you look!" In which I raged back,

"MUSCLE WEIGHS MORE THAN FAT, OKAY? I HAVE A MUSCULAR AND SPORTY FIGURE!"