Saturday, February 28, 2009

To Err is Only Human

I relapsed. Ooopsies. I worked out Thursday afternoon, walked out of the gym, hopped in my car, and drove 25 the McDonald's drive thru. As I leaned forward to scream my shameful order to the drive thru lady, I pressed one hand over my face, hoping no fellow gym members would see this shameful display of weakness.

"Ah, yes. Can I please have a Number onions(who wants to make this healthy by adding veggies?), with a...uh...Diet Coke?"

Yeah, I used to work as a waitress, and I ALWAYS made fun of the fatties who would order a plate of food with the caloric equivalent of your suggested daily intake...followed by a DIET Coke. Yeah, the Diet Coke is gonna justify you eating a 4-egg omlette with 3 different kinds of cheese, bacon, and sausage.

So, sadly to say, I devoured almost every inch of that meal, then I followed the feast with a nap, being that I was exhausted from working out, feasting, guilt tripping myself, etc.

In conclusion:

immediately followed by this:

equals this:

Okay, so I don't have a beard, and I was passed out on my couch, in my living room, but that is really how I felt.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Slow and Steady as I Go

I am almost through day 3 of me honoring my temple...a few mentionables:

I worked an 8 hour shift(a Monday, at that), sans coffee or cigarette. Shocker was, I had a great day! All I consumed, beveragely speaking, was water. Now, I'll be honest, I strolled by the coffee bar(ahem) a few times, only stopping once to stare and deeply inhale the sweet, taunting, forbidden aromatics of the cursed bean which has left its stain upon my teeth for too long. Moving on...

I have stuck to my new eating habits. I have been eating for nourishment. Yeah. Gotta say, eating a Lean Cuisine and an apple for lunch is hardly satisfying or enjoyable in the least. Although I do enjoy the sweet nectar that lies within apples. The intensity of my enjoyment was brought to my attention this morning, when 3 consecutive profanities came spilling out of my mouth after dropping the fruit on the floor upon arriving at work. I picked it up and gingerly placed it in my mailbox...and when I checked on it not an hour later, I saw the bulbous bruise that had already formed on its yellow skin. Damn!

Two of my co-workers have brought Chinese leftovers to work for 2 consecutive days. Today, I undressed a crab rangoon with my eyes. So, oh so sad. I must say, however, that I am witnessing a willpower within myself that I wasn't sure existed. I have faltered a heavenly Double Stuf Oreo given to me by a fellow(enabling?) employee, and also to an iced coffee drink, which I drank, carefully, through a straw. I don't believe in going cold turkey, okay?! Don't judge me.

Moving on from food(did I really just think that?), my exercise, since Sunday, has consisted of:

*Playing the tambourine in my slippers to the entire Beruit album
*Walking from room to room in the O.R.
*Folding laundry
*Typing my blog

Nobody is perfect, right? I will be hitting the weights and elliptical tomorrow(this is the horror section of the blog...where you picture me flailing about, sweating and red, on the machine).

And lastly, I am proud to say that I have flossed my teeth daily. I have brushed 3 times a day, as well. I'd like to say that I can notice a change...but alas, there has been no such thing. Unless you count the change in tenderness that my gums have accquired. I suffered through a piece of chewing gum last night, it was sheer agony. It will get better. It MUST.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Who is in you?

Today, I awoke to church bells at 8 a.m. I decided that I would go to the gym and work out, since I have neglected my membership for the past 2 months. I braced the FREEZING cold weather and sped off.

Upon entering the gym, I refused to make eye contact with anyone, given the hideous shape that I had allowed myself to form gut, taco bell booty, fry thighs, you get the jist. I hopped onto the treadmill, and not even ten minutes go by, when I become short of breath. I told myself to get over it and keep going, which I did. For 45 awful minutes, I busted my ass, increasing in speed and elevation. And as the last two minutes approached, I noticed a difference in my stride. My once dumpy and tired clomp was now replaced by a sassy, chipper strut. I actually found myself wanting to continue on! I had to coax myself off of the mill, knowing that was the only way I was going to be able to function at work tomorrow.

I arrived home, and after kissing my still sleeping soulmate on his cheek, I jumped into the shower. The sun shone through the window. I closed my eyes and breathed. And then, out of nowhere(perhaps the sun?), a thought penetrated my brain: "Your body is a temple".

Um, no, mine is not. Or at least, it has not been treated as a proper temple should be treated...For example: I was rinsing 2 day old mascara off of my frail and soft eyelashes. I was scrubbing my face for the first time in a week. That's right, seven days. I shaved my legs of the 5 days of hair that had roughly began growing in fields on my calves and shins.I gently rubbed conditioner over my(currently red) hair, whose actual/natural color I'd forgotten years ago. And I was(just) getting over a 36 hour hangover I'd given to myself after an over-indulgence in wheat beer.

So I decided I am going to start caring for my body. I will brush my cigarette and coffee stained teeth, three times daily, and I will floss. I will eat a diet that will properly nourish my body, not one that will be grease based. I will try to stay away coffee and tea, seeing as the backs of my teeth are borderline decaying. I will give my body exercise, because it needs to be more tone(in case of a situation that will call for me having to run...for a longer period of time than 1 minute), and it awakens my mind. And...ha...I will shortly begin the process of omiting nicotine.

Now you know why I describe this blog as a mixture of comedy, drama, horror, and documentary. I'm sure it will be all of that. And, sadly, then some.